The Perfect Space

Last Wednesday was the bittersweet last day of the program. CIEE had a closing ceremony at school, followed by a celebratory cruise on the Neva. I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before – Chris and I had been roaming the city stuffing our stomachs until 5am, but I still felt energized and excited all dressed up on the marshrutka on the way to Smolny. The closing ceremony was great: all the teachers and staff were there, and one of my friends, Clark, had volunteered to make a slideshow with pictures from the whole program. He did such a great job! Here’s the video, it’s so sweet:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ygl5FQVs9sk

The cruise was melancholy. An infinite number of pictures were taken of everyone and everything, and as we disembarked, it was time to say goodbye to everyone that we hadn’t made further plans with. On the bank of the Neva is where I parted with most of my friends that I went to Estonia with, half of my group one-mates, and my banya babes. I also hugged Evan goodbye here – even though I knew perfectly well that I would see him in a matter of weeks, it was still incredibly emotional for me because we’ve gone through so much together. Before the program started, Evan and I were sticking together because it was convenient and nice to have someone around. We didn’t know how to act around each other or whether we would even continue to get along, even though we both wanted to. It became clear very quickly just how close we would really become. Evan and I started our journey in very similar places in our lives, and in Russia we seemed to grow parallel to each other. I am so grateful to have him now to have someone that understands the progress that I’ve made in my life, and he has me for the same.

After a final dinner and chat with my host mom, who barely realized that I was leaving in the morning, I set out for my last escapade at the famed hookah bar. I ordered the traditional half-liter of Baltika 7 and gathered around a couple hookahs with a big gang of people who, in the real world back home, would definitely never be friends. All different states, all different ambitions, all different ideas about the world - but this is Russia and this is the hookah bar, and man do we all get along beautifully here. When it was time to catch the metro back to Petrogradskaya, I was overcome with emotions (big surprise). The hookah bar gang was like the quirky cast of a sitcom, and I didn’t know if I would ever have the same feelings about another group of people in another place. Saying goodbye to my friends Jess and Ron was hard because they are both such sweethearts and we became really close, and even hugging Forrest, who I could never really decide if I liked very much, was much harder than I thought it would be. Turns out I really do like him. 

My next goodbye was Chris. We sat and talked in a park until the very last minute of the metro. The fact that I get along so perfectly with him is pretty remarkable to me, and I feel like it says a lot about my growth in terms of understanding and accepting others. Never in a million years did I imagine that my best friend would be a Republican from Kentucky – I don’t even run into people like that, much less befriend them, but I guess that’s one of the amazing things about leaving your comfort zone 5000 miles away. Chris is the easiest person to talk to that I’ll probably ever meet, and chatting with him over lunch about politics, friends, love, and anything and everything else is definitely one of the biggest things I’ll miss about Russia. Hugging him goodbye was another burst into uncontrollable tears, but it appears to me now that life did indeed go on. 

  

Lastly came Rachel. I met up with her at 12:30 downstairs in our building at Dve Palochki, our sushi restaurant. We talked about our Russian journeys over our usual order, eel-mango rolls. Our friendship was made to be – living a flight of stairs from her for four months was a miracle, because Rachel is perfect. She was my companion from day one and a much bigger support system for me in St. Petersburg than she even knows. We cried and hugged countless times before I had to shout “I love you!” out of my closing front door one last time.

I didn’t sleep at all. I frantically packed my suitcases just in time for dad to pick me up at 4 am. As we drove to the airport and gazed at the open bridges all along our way, it started raining, even after a week of perfect weather. How fitting.

What I’ve learned in the past 118 days:

I’m finally in my rebellious phase.

Depending on the situation, I am either fiercely independent or need everyone’s undivided assistance. There’s rarely an in-between.
       

My likes and dislikes are highly adaptable. Except dill. I will always hate dill.

I’ve told myself once and I’ve told myself a dozen times, but now I finally put it into practice – no more judging people on first meeting! It’s simply disgusting how many beautiful people I immediately dismiss and I’m so glad that I’ve pushed past that and gotten to know them.

Love is strange. Love for people, places, things. Living in Russia, I’ve developed a whole new set of things I love, alternate to the set I love in the US. I don’t know how much room there is in my heart for these alternate universes, but theoretically, there might be a lot, and that’s really cool.

I’m not obsessed with weddings anymore.

Music is a playlist to life. If there was ever a situation in Russia that was strange to me because it was out of my comfort zone, music fixed it. I had never lived through music the way that I have been for the last four months, and I want to continue to.

I will never forget any of the friends that I’ve made here, especially Evan, Chris, and Rachel. I love those three to the moon and back, I can’t even describe it.  

Life always goes on. When things seem dreadful, impossible, fantastic, overwhelming - things don't stop. Everything adapts, and you do too.   

I have a whole lot left to experience in this world. See realization above.
  

I’m gonna do really amazing things with the rest of my life. 

“I wanna have friends that I can trust,

that love me for the man I've become not the man I was.

I wanna have friends that will let me be

all alone when being alone is all that I need.

I wanna fit in to the perfect space,

feel natural and safe in a volatile place.

And I wanna grow old without the pain,

give my body back to the earth and not complain.

Will you understand when I am too old of a man?

And will you forget when we have paid our debt

who did we borrow from? Who did we borrow from?”

-The Avett Brothers, The Perfect Space

Winding Down

Weeeelll, obviously, Putin has decided we have less than a week left in St. Petersburg - he's climbing in your windows, he's snatching your people up, trying to send them back to America, so y'all need to hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband, cause they're deporting everybody out herr. 

These past few days have been filled with outings with friends, rolling around in parks accumulating mosquito bites, and souvenir shopping. Also, we had an excursion to Peterhof, the royal summer palace of Peter the Great, which is about an hour outside of the city. It's famous for its parks and fountains, and yesterday happened to be the opening day of the fountains for the summer. There were hoards of people to watch the opening ceremony, which included singing, dancing, cannons, fireworks, etc. It was super beautiful, but obviously very crowded - wish I could have seen it with less folks around! 

I have finals on Monday and Tuesday, which sucks, cause now I have to waste precious final moments studying. Have no fear, though, I have such a terrible work ethic that I will persevere in continuing to have fun throughout the city! 

EsBronia

Here are my pictures from Estonia! Tallinn was loads of fun, especially traveling with such a big group - there were seven of us, and I think we complement each other very well, if I do say so myself. Our hostel was very cool; it was called Red Emperor and it was half hostel/half bar! It was clean and really close to everything, and staying in the room all together was exciting.
To be honest, we didn't find a lot to do in Tallinn, but we still had lots of fun! First of all, we ate A LOT. Like, everything, all the time. The restaurants there were delicious, we had everything from fish to pizza to waffles. Lots of eating was accompanied by lots of walking - I'm pretty sure we went down every street within the old city walls. We also made little trips outside of the old city to the waterfront and to an old prison, which was super creepy and exciting. Tallinn is small, but definitely the most adorable city that ever existed. Everything is just so cute! We stopped at lots of little shops and just had a great time walking around, taking pictures, and enjoying each other's company. 

Festival of the Street Beers

These past few days in St. Petersburg since coming back from our fantastic excursion have been, like, really good. I've been staying out late with friends every night trying to fully enjoy my last two weeks. Yep, two weeks. It's crazy. Peter has become my home - I have favorite restaurants to go to in my neighborhood and I have the metro system memorized, how is it not home? Every second that I'm not laughing with friends enjoying a beer in the street is a second wasted.

Last night, I got together with my friends Chris, Pasha, Jess, and Katie to watch the sunset at the Gulf of Finland. It. Was. Perfect. The sun has been setting really late, so we posted up on a ledge around 9 and ended up making our way closer to the water later where we listened to music and skipped rocks. It's always sad to part ways after a fun night like that - the metro closes so early!

Today was Victory Day, commemorating the end of WWII - definitely a huge deal in Russia. I celebrated by finding one of the most delicious burgers I have ever had, and eating one for both lunch and dinner, cause 'Murica. While not eating burgers, we watched a parade of veterans and their families, hung out at a totally and completely Russian concert in the Palace Square that made me feel really freaking Russian, got caught in a freak storm where the sky just opened up and dumped water on us, and walked around in circles trying to find our way home because every metro station was closed for no reason.  

Tomorrow, we make our way to EsBronia!

The Best Thing That There Ever Was Ever

For those of you who might not know, I went on a cruise around the Mediterranean when I was 15 years old. That cruise stopped in Nice, a city on the coast of France, and as soon as I saw the unbelievable gorgeousness of Nice, I knew that it would be a long time before I was equally awestruck by something else. I admit, I'm not easy to impress. I have been lucky enough to see so many beautiful places that I can barely name them all, so Nice was really something special. Well, when we arrived in the Russian countryside, I finally felt that feeling I knew I wouldn't feel for a long time after Nice. The beauty of Pushkinskiye Gory had me speechless.

I'm gonna skip talking about Pskov, Izborsk, and Pechory - these were three small cities/towns we had excursions in. Don't get me wrong, they're fine towns with enjoyable churches and monasteries, but like I said, I'm not easily impressed. Here are some pictures from those cute towns:

Church in Pskov

Pskov Kremlin

Fortress in Izborsk 

What I really want to talk about is our amazing lodge. It was in the middle of nowhere, right by a beautiful lake and forest. A 20 minute walk down the road brought you to the housing complex where Alexander Pushkin, the most famous Russian writer, was sent into exile. Please, someone send me into exile here. We had a crazy amount of fun as everyone on the program sat out on their porches listening to music, drinking beer, and enjoying the fresh air. I can't even describe how amazing it was listening to country music and laughing with friends while imagining that we could stay there forever. 

By Pushkin's house the area opened up and exposed a big, gorgeous river. We had a tour of where Pushkin lived and wrote some of his famous works, but my favorite part was going back the next morning to watch the sun rise over the river. It was early, but so worth it and absolutely breathtaking. 

As you can probably tell, I enjoyed this past weekend immensely, and I certainly am getting melancholy about saying goodbye to Russia in a couple weeks.